The Siren Song of Starting Over

I was offered a job this weekend.

I laughed.

He was serious.

He told me how much it paid.

Suddenly, I was serious too.

“That’s a lot of money,” I said.

In the next 3.2 seconds of eternity, I had a chat with my subconscious:

That’s a lot of money.

Teaching is a calling, not a career. I don’t make teaching decisions based on financial reasons.

That’s still a lot of money.

It would mean moving. I don’t want to move. I’ve already put down roots where I am.

Are you sure you’re putting down roots…or are you just stagnating?

I like being home.

Home is where you make it. This is a good opportunity.

I have good opportunities where I am. I don’t want to start over.

Starting over can be good. New challenges. New faces.

New people. New problems. I’ve gotten used to the ones I have, thank you very much.

Besides, I’d have to move. I’d have to change my license and my voter registration. I wouldn’t know who to vote for. That’s a big deal.

That’s a big excuse.

Shut up.

I turned him down.

“Ask me again next year,” I said. “A lot can happen in a year.”

“But I need you now.”

“No, you need a teacher now. If I’m the one for the position, it will be ready when I’m ready. Right now, I’m not ready. Ask me in a year.”

If he was disappointed, he hid it well.

I may have missed out on a colossal disaster, or a golden opportunity. I don’t know. But for now, I will gather up graded tests, homework to return, reports to be re-written…and put the future on hold for one more year.

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